
We diagnose Autism via a pathologising medical model focussing on deficit and challenge. This need not be the case.
I am yet to come across an Autistic person who does not amaze and exceed expectations. Autistics have amazing strengths, and many have something they are gifted in. In my own experience, this is inextricably linked to a common Autistic trait – special interest(s).
The language around neurodivergence is continually up for debate. This is also true of the term ‘special interest’ where some prefer ‘intense interests’ ‘passionate interests’ or ‘hyper-fixation’, or my own preference, ‘obsession’.
I use ‘obsession’, as this is truest of my experience. My obsessions might include ‘hyper-focus’, but they are not in and of themselves hyper-focus, and ‘special interests’ to me sounds like I have a range of hobbies, and this one over here is my favourite. My obsessions are loaded with way more gusto than that!
By neuro-normative standards I would be labelled a ‘high achiever’ and successful, but my being Autistic means I will always be viewed as falling short when it comes to my social interactions and interpersonal relations. What is deemed effective was created by and for Allistic (non-Autistic) people. This is viewed as the ‘gold standard’ and I will always fall short when held to it. The indicators I am falling short have been plentiful throughout my life. As for my high achievements, I am neither off the charts intelligent nor highly athletic, but I am determined, particularly when it comes to my obsessions. Determination is the Autistic USP, and it can be capitalised upon (by any neurotype), though I did not recognise the power and strength in this pre-diagnosis at age 45.
My determination is inextricably linked to my obsessions which leads to success in the things that become my obsessions, well by neuro-normative standards anyway. My idea of success nowadays is vastly different to pre-diagnosis, and I will no longer hold myself to neuro-normative ideals. Below are just some examples of personal obsessions which achieved success, and which I provide as evidence to back up the following point. Please do not misinterpret the list as me being ‘showy’, otherwise you miss my point, which is…
Autistic obsession [replace with preferred term] leaves no room for failure.
My Obsessions (non-exhaustive list) | Success |
Mental health | I am a mental health trainer who, through obsession with mental health, has developed an encyclopaedic knowledge of the topic and related subjects. This helps me to be a knowledgeable trainer. |
My company | I started my mental health training business up in 2015 which delivers around 160 courses per year and has income generated over 1.5 million in revenue since start-up. My business is my fourth child, and it is most definitely one of my obsessions. For me, the money is simply a by-product of the change-making, though I recognise that many will judge my business by its finances, not by the latter. |
Writing | I wrote my debut book, my memoir ‘The Umbrella Picker’ in 7 weeks, and my second book in a matter of months, both published since diagnosis in 2021. Writing is one of my obsessions, and my books definitely became obsessions. |
Running | I am a distance runner and became obsessed with distance running. I have run two marathons, many half marathons, and countless 10ks. I currently run about 26 miles per week. |
Autism | I am utterly obsessed with this, and can easily predict that will now be a life-time obsession for me, which leads on to my next point… |
Academics | I am now undertaking a Masters in Autism because there is just so much Autism research I wish to do and so many answers I wish to seek. If I become obsessed with a subject, I study it, learn everything I can about it. The last time this happened resulted in a first-class honours degree in Criminology, firsts in every module from year one! |
What might be interesting for any neurotype is that you do not need to be Autistic to emulate Autistic obsession, you just need to know what it looks like. So, the question might be… Would you want to when you know what it looks like?
My most obsessive obsession is Autism. When I wake in a morning, I will have thought about Autism in some way within the first 30 minutes. I check the latest updates, reading other posts, or the latest research. I engage with related topics on and offline, and extensively with my daughter, as she is the only person in the world who indulges my obsessions to the extent that I do not need to mask them in any way.
Much of the time the ruminating is in my head, so others do not hear the machination of my thinking. By the time you hear or read my thoughts, they will have been obsessively processed in my head a myriad of times, often while out running. I read about Autism, talk about Autism, I study Autism. Most of my waking hours are consumed by Autism. And it makes me happy!
If you afford this level of intensity with anything, it cannot leave room for failure. Obsessively learn a new skill, you will achieve it. Ability and skill will dictate how proficient you become, but you will not fail to achieve. The great philosophers did not get to the bottom of challenges and problems by a little ‘mulling over’ of the situation. Descartes did not arrive at ‘I think therefore I am’ without obsessively thinking about his existence. That is precisely what my brain does, withouth choice or provocation.
My obsessions are without doubt a huge part of my survival in a world not built for me, and without them I would not be here. They are protective factors; it is that simple. The biggest challenge is the guilt I feel because of them. I am a wife and a mum, a late diagnosed Autistic wife and mum, and I spent the first 45 years of my life internalising neuro normative ideals of motherhood and being a wife, ideals which infer my family should be the first thing I wake up thinking about and the last thing I think about at night, and sometimes they are, but mostly, it is the Autism. I live with the guilt of this, daily. But I know I should not. You may recall, I said that I no longer hold myself to neuro normative ideals, but in all honesty and I am just 4 years post diagnosis and overwriting the first 45 years is very much a work in progress. I am Autistic, and these are the only ideals I can ever be held to. What I, and my obsessions are, is ‘normal’ for an Autistic, and I cannot un-Autistic myself, nor do I wish to.
My strengths and my challenges are not mutually exclusive, they operate together all of the time. I do not regard the strengths as superpowers, because if they were they would not cause the level of challenge that is also present alongside them, and inspite of anything I achieve, there is always a sense that I am falling short by societal standards.
Author website: www.umbrellapicker.co.uk
Books ‘The Umbrella Picker’ and ‘Strength not Deficit’